September 2011
1 post
4 tags
Back to where it all began
I’ve spent the last two days searching for the perfect place to start new. A place to write and share about what I think it means to live better, to not suck at life, or to matter today.
And I’ve wound up back here.
gut|feelings.
This is my virtual home away from home. My think pad, my show-and-tell.
It hit me today that I had been looking for the wrong answer. . I wanted people...
March 2011
1 post
“If you can’t find your voice, you’ll end with a vocabulary that...”
– The Leadership Challenge, by James Kouzes & Barry Posner
February 2011
1 post
dedicated to...
It hit me today that tomorrow begins my first day away from the “ages of adolescence” in a very real but not literal way. Tomorrow I turn 22. I will no longer be 21 which is obvious but comes (at least for me) with a lot of new things. I’ve been working for a while now at a fantastic full-time job, have been engaged for exactly 2 months and have done more work on wedding planning...
January 2011
1 post
It's been one of those weeks.
You know the kind…I know you do.
I wanted to write today, it’s been so long since I have. Someday soon - but not now.
Too tired.
Too preemptively sick.
Too ready to curl up and fall asleep.
I pray that as I sleep God rejuvenates not only my mind and body but my heart and spirit as well.
In the midst of “those” weeks, may you search for God and yourself to find...
December 2010
1 post
1 John 3:16-18
This verse rocked my world tonight, yet again, so I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Verses will be bold text with my thought in italics.
“…and we ought to lay down our lives for one another. (the end of an important verse that sets up the next two perfectly). But if anyone (that means me, you, the guy across the street or the guy living on the street) has the world’s...
November 2010
2 posts
I never expected... →
…that one day I’d be crying in the bathroom at one of my favorite coffee shops.
I couldn’t wait until I was home to start watching this documentary my boss and friend Chip, the leader of my Zambia trip, gave me about malaria in Africa, so I pushed play on my laptop while I was at the Java Lounge…my roommate sitting across from me and the noise of other people filling the...
some things are very clear
During the past two years God has grown a small, piercing seed into a “must do” desire. Randomly last Fall I felt I had to go somewhere. I needed to experience something else and when my options came across the table there was one, only one that stood out to me. Stirring, my heart jumped to the paper about Zambia. Without getting into it God has unexpectedly used two people to grow...
October 2010
4 posts
“Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were...”
– Frederick M. Lehman
laundromat
It’s that time in the evening when we stop thinking about the day in terms of “our day” and start to sink into the nighttime. On this night I can be found sitting by myself in the second of eight plastic blue chairs neatly arranged along to glass window wall that is the front of my laundromat. My laundromat. It’s my second time here, I know how the machines work without...
hear me out
My lunch break today was something else…I sat with a few friends of mine, some students and some coworkers, and shortly found ourselves talking about activism. We came across the subject when someone said that they grow tired of it, wishing that all of the different activist organizations would join together, stop their need to make their cause more important, and share resources. He...
looking back
I started a new blog with the hope of starting over. I wanted to have a new beginning, a fresh slate if you will. I went to my old account (this one) to delete it and got lost in reading some past posts. Looking back to what I’ve learned helps me put into perspective what I am currently learning.
I wrote this [part 1] a while back, and decided it was time to add to the list…hence,...
July 2010
1 post
starbucks makes me, me.
Here I sit in Starbucks yet again…working on “stuff” (as I put it to a friend of mine I saw today) and listening to Pandora. It’s a wonderful day.
Across the room, two CU students sit close together digging into God’s word together. They are already preparing themselves for a year of serving Christ and the student body through corporate worship every Sunday night....
June 2010
2 posts
some days are just writing days
Today is one of those days.
There are moments in life that seem to drag by, days that seem to last forever and seasons that seem to be endless. Today was up and down. It started off with a fantastic run which was followed by a great time grocery shopping with my mom and then joining my love for lunch. We laughed a lot and talked a lot more but shortly after heading back to my apartment my mood...
i guess the saying is true
You don’t know how much you love someone until they are gone.
I miss my brother.
It’s been two days since my brother wed the beautiful love of his life. It was an incredible day. All of the typical wedding things worked out perfectly, the weather turned out to be extraordinary and everyone was more than happy for the newlyweds. My sister-in-law looked absolutely incredible and I have...
May 2010
4 posts
what if...
…I just wrote a book and didn’t work. Thoughts?
stuck between the hope and doubt
Post-graduate life has been so far from everything I expected to be.
So
very
far.
I never thought God would bless me through His stillness. Stillness. It seems such an unusual thing to consider but at the same time it seems so commonly desired. Last summer I was given a break, a chance to just be. One year later I find myself on the fringe...
it's really here
i was asked to update this several times by the girl who makes my heart skip. i put it off for the sake of admitting it needed to happen. i’ve been living in denial…i have been.
i’m moving away in a few days. away from everyone and everything i have known for the last three years. it sucks and i am afraid. i love these people and i love this place.
i just can’t believe...
March 2010
2 posts
my heart with you
Waited a hundred years to see your face, And I would wait a hundred more If only to be near you, To have you and to hear you. Isn’t that what time is for? I sailed a thousand ships in search of you. Traveled to distant land. I dove for sunken gold. I took what I could hold, But you’re still the greatest treasure I’ve held in my hands. My love, the reason I survive, Trust...
unwrapping
there is something about christmas that makes everyone feel like a kid again. maybe it is the memories of trying to stay awake to hear santa’s reindeer on the roof above you. maybe it is the presence of family and the chatter of loved ones. or, maybe it is the thought of taking something hidden, something packaged, sealed, and wrapped, and unwrapping it.
i don’t know about you but i...
February 2010
6 posts
being alone
you know those days when you just need to be alone?
today was that day for me.
i am currently in my dorm room alone; music is playing on my ipod through the television, i am sitting on the floor, ambient lighting from the floor lamp is filling the room with a soft, coffee house glow and
i
am
alone.
i read my bible, filled out references for other students to earn leadership positions, and...
needs
There is a student who walks around in the corum everyday.
Everyday.
He moves abouts, head hung low, poor posture, moving about as if he is waiting for something. He dresses relatively the same each day; glasses, a long sleeve t-shirt, normal wash jeans, unkempt hair. We all notice him, we do. Whether in our arrogance we jeer, talk badly, or loft ourselves above him or in our humility we look at...
wet & cold
that is how i feel today (on the outside at least)
inside? inside i feel like a beach. i am warm & steady.
but outside i am wet & cold; slowly but surely the out is creeping in.
there is a spot in the student union where i like to sit, even though i don’t sit there very often. at a high table overlooking the sidewalk i read, write, and today - i study. i study for the test that i...
security
Where do you find it? In God? In a person? In money? A job? School? Yourself?
Do you have it?
Security is about feeling safe. Safe to be yourself. I don’t mean safe to be yourself in the sense of your likes, dislikes, quirks, and isms. I mean a safety that surpasses regular understanding, one that is like Christ. The kind of safety I am talking about is one that allows you the room to be...
as of late...
…i have been doing/learning/being a part of/experiencing many things.
…i am ridding my life of baggage (someone called me an E-Hoarder) meaning i actually delete emails now.
…i have missed writing on this
…i have fallen hard for an incredible girl named Caitlin
…i have had at least 2 “freakouts” about graduating
…i have applied for 2 “real...
missing out
I haven’t written on this in a while and I really miss it.
November 2009
3 posts
gloomy
i am gloomy inside and out today.
i don’t know why, nor do I have a reason to be.
i think it has to do with all the worry and work i have put into trying to figure what is next for me, and realizing that no matter how much i worry and work i won’t know exactly where i need to be until i am there.
i feel like i am pouting because i am not in control, which actually, just brought a...
thoughts on life...maybe
I just read over my entire blog. it isn’t very lengthy but there are moments of deepness and realness that I hadn’t remembered until now. it was perfect; a way for God to show me exactly what he needed to. it leaves me with this view on life, or this philosophy:
God’s plan for our life is what we have known it to be all along. We just have to forgive ourselves when we...
how He loves
I feel like I am meant for something more. Something more than an office or task list. Something more than filing, emailing, and sorting. Something more than marketing, communicating, or doing business. More than meeting with a client, fundraising, or looking forward to a paycheck and more than the suburbs, the GAP, or owning a Mac. Is this arrogant? Is it lofty? Is it it asking for too much? Is...
October 2009
1 post
it has been a while
Tumblr = on the back burner.
But tonight, i just have to let some things out.
God is SO good. SO good.
I am being pushed to my limits this week - my mind doesn’t shut off, it’s not allowed too. I am sleep deprived and exhausted. I am working everything communications related for Homecoming. Dr. King’s class is destroying me with a huge project. Other homework is a bother. I...
September 2009
1 post
My temporary BLOG →
August 2009
3 posts
During my Senior year in High School we each chose a poet to study. I chose Langston Hughes. Yesterday I was reminded of just how incredible the spoken word is, and how much I long to find my Sue. Mr. Hughes, though I speak with no authority on the subject…well done.
When Susanna Jones wears red Her face is like an ancient cameo Turned brown with the ages. Come with a blast of trumpets,...
i just...
…really love my friends.
Their honesty, their humor, their “isms” that make them who they are. The fellas and the ladies alike. I love the way they love God, others, and themselves. I love how we could drive 8 hours and talk the whole time or drive the same distance without saying a word and I would know that we enjoy each other all the same. I love how they listen to me, let me...
finished
it’s finished. that’s it. there is nothing left in my apartment save my TV, bedding, and the food in my fridge. the end of the summer is officially here, marked, checked, over, and I feel at a loss.
if you’ve read anything i have written you know how much this summer has meant to me. life lesson after life lesson, change after change, apology after apology, redo after redo, and...
July 2009
1 post
expectations
Have you ever really expected something?
You know, like the dictionary says, ever really “anticipated the occurrence or the coming of” something?
You know, like when deep down you expect something? Maybe you never think it’s going to happen, maybe there are one million and one reasons why it shouldn’t happen, why it won’t happen, why it couldn’t happen, or why...
June 2009
3 posts
God is awesome - He is so awesome.
I have had an amazing week of late night talks, re-established friendships, laughter, and meeting new people. I feel filled with fellowship and life, knowing that it is all so, so good.
I have never learned so much about myself before. It has been incredible finding me again. That sounds a little corny but what the heck.
Oh, how I am loving this summer.
:D
summer...
Summer is supposed to be what we make it.
Mine has been nothing like I wanted it to be so far.
I don’t feel empty, I just feel still, too still.
I feel moved right now to laugh at myself for how shallow and fragile I treat me.
That may not make sense, it’s okay.
Praise God
I am learning a lot right now about what it really means to know someone and not just take them at face value. I mean, a lot about that right now.
Oh golly…If you only knew.
May 2009
4 posts
it doesn't matter
Life isn’t about all that crap we are told we should want. We try to fancy it up, put Christian lingo and philosophy onto everything but it doesn’t matter. It’s not about the job, the money, the career, the car, the savings. It’s not about our faults, or failures, or the crap. God cares about sin, but it doesn’t matter. We should stop sinning because we don’t...
still...
even with a breakthrough such as today, my thoughts consume me
oh gosh, its going to be a long summer.
week 1, complete.
recently
I have been emotional…
…on the verge of tears daily.
I a torn between statisfaction and unsatisfaction…
…I am turning back towards God…
…and I have checked out emotionally, I am afraid, in certain areas of life.
I just feel weird.
April 2009
4 posts
things i don't do often enough:
1. pray
2. stop and count to 10
3. read for pleasure
4. find comfort in the decisions that I make
5. care for myself
6. tell the people I love how much they mean to me
7. call my grandparents
8. talk to my old friends from high school
9. live within a normal schedule that doesn’t stress me out
10. homework
FODs...
….Freshmen Spring Orientation Days….
…this is why I want to be an RA again.
Thank you Lord. :)
i didn’t get the job i applied for this summer. I thought I had it.
no, i don’t know where i am at with this yet, but thanks for asking.
why...
…the heck do I want to be an RA again?
Libby, your most recent note encouraged me so much and filled me with so much joy.
March 2009
7 posts
when you don't go to school...
lovleigh:
…you wait for the mailman to deliver rings you bought online.
…you look at grocery ads and stop at two different stores to shop. Like your grandma.
…you write letters with real stamps and wait for the mailman again.
…you have sleepovers with cots.
…you plan parties and actually attend them.
…you read books and realize you don’t like just the IDEA of reading. You actually like...
boxed water? i'll buy it →
Caton Vance would know about something like this, which is actually pretty cool. Check it out because it’s definitely legit.
back
I learn lessons daily from men I am supposed to be mentoring.
It’s humbling.
I feel like it should be like this, and at the same time I feel like it shouldn’t, so I guess I don’t really know exactly what I should be feeling. Either way though, I feel good.
Bottom line: I am craving Jesus and He’s a pretty cool God.
my top Entertainment this week
okay…a tid bit about me if you didn’t know.
I am a Political Science minor, and I want to pursue that for my life. It’s fun, I like politics, and more so, i like when people make fun of politics because, well let’s be real, its politics. I know its lame, I know America is in the crapper and we aren’t coming out. But someone has to try to rise up from the middle of...