expectations
Have you ever really expected something?
You know, like the dictionary says, ever really “anticipated the occurrence or the coming of” something?
You know, like when deep down you expect something? Maybe you never think it’s going to happen, maybe there are one million and one reasons why it shouldn’t happen, why it won’t happen, why it couldn’t happen, or why it never will happen. Even so, you still expect it, you want it, you know without a shadow of a doubt that when it happens you won’t believe it, stop thinking about it, and you won’t understand why you haven’t been doing, experiencing, breathing, living it the whole time you’ve been expecting it. You know, when you expect something big, something right, something good, something worthwhile, something life changing?
I don’t think I knew what to expect this summer. I know, I know, I have written a lot about this summer, very broadly and vaguely yes I know but still a lot about this summer. I thought I knew what it was going to be. I had this planned, and that planned, and I was going to buy this and do this, or eat here and go there, or meet this person and travel with this person. I thought I had all these expectations.
What I realized was this: I never had expectations, I had thoughts and ideas about what was to come, but the only thing that I expected, you know, that I believed would come true, that I had faith would be shown to me, is that God would move me and shake me whether I prepared myself fully or not.
I just want to say this: I have come to experience things this summer that I have never expected. Things that don’t just last for a few days. Experiences that aren’t just memories, or laughs, or moments wherein I think I am truly who I am supposed to be. But rather, moments wherein I believe God has been waiting for me to enjoy. Moments wherein I know that he has been sowing a seed of expectation in me, a seed that I never knew was growing until I saw what it produced and only then, could I finally name it.
Expectations - yea, this has been an incredible summer.
