it has been a while
Tumblr = on the back burner.
But tonight, i just have to let some things out.
God is SO good. SO good.
I am being pushed to my limits this week - my mind doesn’t shut off, it’s not allowed too. I am sleep deprived and exhausted. I am working everything communications related for Homecoming. Dr. King’s class is destroying me with a huge project. Other homework is a bother. I miss my dad a lot, and feel for my mom. My girlfriend misses me but she lives literally 100 yards away. All these things are pushing me, pulling me, stretching me, and doing their best to break me.
But they’re not breaking me. God has me this week so much, and I feel it randomly and powerfully, and fully.
That sounds dramatic and lame. I get it.
Let me explain it to you this way. I am praying about my busyness every time I start to fret. I am just giving it to Him out of this, Lord please just listen to me - I have to get this out of my head and if I don’t I am going to freak out. That’s the start.
Now, even though I still freak, it’s like I feel God in my center. He has staked Himself to me, and me to a solid ground. That’s the point.
So yea, I am being pushed. I feel the stakes start to come out of the ground. I feel the dirt slide on the side of the power of God. I see them rising and myself falling and I feel the weight and the toll and the pressure on my back all at the same time and it feels - like - I am going to fall. That’s the enemy.
But I don’t fall. I fall back into place, or better yet I am placed back into the ground. As if the Lord steps in and saves me from myself. He hammers the stakes back into the ground in ways I never would have thought. That’s the grace.
God reignites me through people. He does it through the music of Andrew Peterson and through books on reserve for days not hours. He does it through random CU students at IHOP at the same time as me. He does it through her smile, through my mom’s voice, through my brother’s relationship, through the chatter of mingling in the corum. He does it through my belief and passion in my responsibilities. Through men of mine participating, through laughter and competition, through people I am able to speak into, and through this growing and unexplainable love for alumni. This love that makes me actually feel the impact of disconnect from such a strong community. That’s the joy.
God is good - He is SO good. I want to give up and whine. I want this week to be too much for me. I want to break. I want to finally admit that I really can’t take it and that I am in to deep. I can’t though. I can’t because God shows me in random, diverse, little ways how incredible He is. He is blessing me through this time, He is with me in the tension, and I, logically, spiritually, and emotionally, don’t really have a reason why I shouldn’t be able to make it.
Yea, God is good.
